Dear Baby, 14 weeks

Dear Baby,

It's been a long time since I've written you a letter on here, I apologize. For awhile I didn't think I had anything very exciting to say. I think about you all of the time though, and I talk to you as well. Your little ears don't quite work yet but someday you'll hear me. Approximately 12 years from now you will be telling me to be quiet, I'm sure, but until then, I will chatter away.

We're in the second trimester, Baby! Today was day 100 of the pregnancy. That doesn't even seem possible! Time is going so quickly! Your second cousin, Owen, was born on Thursday and I found out that Bethany was pregnant when she was right around 14 weeks. Looking back it seemed like she was pregnant forever! I'm guessing that my pregnancy will seem to go faster than her's seemed to me. I'm ok with time slowing down a bit though, supposedly second trimester is the good part so I'd like to enjoy that with you.

Right now you're the size of an orange. It's very strange to me that I have something the size of an orange living in my abdomen and I can't feel it at all! Only a few more weeks though and I should be able to feel you kicking away. I wish we could see you sometime though. Is it weird to say I miss you without having ever really seen you in the first place? Our only picture of you, well honey, you looked like a little tadpole. Rumor has it that you look a lot more like a baby now and I can't wait to see you. Two more weeks before we go in to hear your heartbeat and approximately 6 more weeks before we get to have our ultrasound. Might as well plan to keep those little legs crossed though because we don't want to know whats between those legs! We want that moment in the delivery room to be extra special, it will be the moment you become YOU.

I still think you're a girl. I'm trying to prepare myself for the likelihood that you may not be but it's weird. :) It's weird to think of you as an outside baby at all! I'm just getting used to the concept of you being in my belly! You'll probably think this is funny someday but every time I stop to think about you being outside of my body and in our arms I get all weepy and ridiculous. (like right now :) )

This weekend I was telling Uncle Mason and Aunt Abby and Papa (oh holy hell, now I'm REALLY crying just from typing out those names!) about how after you're born I want to have a big party for you and bestow our family's blessings upon your life and your future. Just like right now, I couldn't even get the sentence out to them without tearing up! So, right now talking about my 'outside baby' pretty much equals Mommy crying and Daddy getting that look on his face that he gets when he's so in love he's about to burst. I'll have to get used to sharing that look with you. :) Somehow I don't think it will be too difficult!

There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. I don't know how much you know about the year that preceded your  conception but ask me about it sometime, I'll be glad to tell you all about it. One of the many things I learned from the struggle of that year is that even when you think the worst has happened, life will heap more on your plate, and you can handle it. You are stronger than than you think, and everything really does end up OK in the end. Some things take days to figure out, some things take years, but things always figure themselves out in the end. This year taught me a lot about who I am, who I want to be and what I am capable of. I think that learning these things about myself has been one of the universe's ways of preparing me to be your Mommy.

Another thing I've learned this past year is to tell people how you feel about them and never assume they just 'know'. As your mother I want to always be the one who tells you how proud I am of you, how beautiful you are, how talented, how kind. I want to tell you these things so much that you that you get sick of hearing them. More importantly, I don't want you to ever have to wonder. You deserve to know how I feel and never have to guess or assume.

I'm approaching the rambling phase of my letter writing so I think it's time for bed. I've been editing photos all night from a wedding. Did you know I was a wedding photographer? I wonder if I still will be by the time you read this someday. I hope I'm still taking pictures at least. It's such a big part of my life now, I can't imagine ever being without it.

I love you, Baby. I say goodnight to you every night and will keep doing so until you move out (of the house, not the uterus) :) Daddy has started kissing my belly goodnight, which is the sweetest thing ever. I can't wait until you're kicking so hard that he can feel it! We have so many things to look forward to. I hope you're excited!

Keep growing and never doubt for a moment that you are loved and wanted!

xoxox

Mommy

I heart this song

Listening to this song makes me so excited to be a mommy, and the video is cute too! Check it out

Time to start blogging!

This blog has been so vanilla lately but that's all going to change. I've been so busy with traveling and the holidays that I've been neglecting things. I'll also admit that a part of me was worried about "getting my hopes up" since I always had miscarriage in the back of my mind. Thankfully, now that I'm 12 weeks along that risk drops significantly!

For the past week I've had a song from the Wizard of Oz in my head: "You're out of the woods, you're out of the dark you're out of the night. Step into the sun, step into the light".

I know we're not 100% out of the woods (hell ,after watching what happened with my friend Ashley's baby boy I know I will NEVER be 100% out of the woods while pregnant) but it's still a milestone and it feels good to reach each and every milestone on the way!

Now I have four weeks of down time between now and my next appointment when we get to hear the baby's heartbeat. That seems so far away!! I want to hear it now! haha.

My friend Sarah lent me her fetal doppler monitor to try to find the heartbeat at home but we haven't had any luck yet. Hopefully next week! I'm only trying once a week so I don't drive myself crazy. :)

So far I'm looking a bit bigger around the middle but definitely not pregnant yet. However, I'm pretty sure I can feel my uterus just below my belly button. Gotta say, it's pretty weird! I can only really feel it when I suck in and there's a tiny bump left over. Soon enough I'll have a real bump and then a huge belly. It's still really hard to imagine that!

It seems like my pregnant friends are pretty much obsessed with finding out the sex of their babies. I wonder how I'm going to feel at 20 weeks when the girls around me are finding out the sex and I'm sitting pretty in the dark. I'm hoping it doesn't phase me because I think it will be a really fun surprise but I'm still dying to know! My intuition still says it's a girl but according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar Gender Predictor I'm having a boy. We shall see!

We have names picked out but we're not planning to share them with the general public just yet. :)

That's about all for right now. We're going on a mini getaway to New Orleans this weekend so I'll get a 'bump picture' when I'm there and update with the 12 week survey!

10 & 11 weeks and Happy New Year!

I've been neglecting this blog a little bit over the holidays since I've been out of town a lot but that's no excuse!So here's a double post for you. :)

12/25/09
How far along? 10 weeks
Total weight gain: down 5 lbs from pre pg weight
Maternity clothes? Not yet !
Sleep: I'm pretty much screwed in the sleep department. Naps are my friend, sleeping at night is not. (this hasn't changed from last week)
Best moment this week: We told my extended family on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Everyone is so excited for us and it's nice to be OUT and able to talk about it.
Movement: 5 or 6 more weeks!
Gender: It will be a surprise!
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Still kind of miss drinking. Especially this time of year. Old habits die hard I guess!
What I am looking forward to: Telling our friends at New Year's Eve and then revealing on facebook. Although I'm a little bit nervous about the facebook reveal for some reason!

1/1/10
How far along? 11 weeks
Total weight gain: down 5 lbs from pre pg weight
Maternity clothes? I actually had a little shopping spree at Old Navy this week and have been wearing maternity tees the past few days. So comfy and they don't make me look totally shapeless. Still in normal pants, for now.
Sleep: I've slept SO much this week it's ridiculous! I had a migraine the day after Xmas that lasted for three days so I pretty much lost those days from sleeping. I've been feeling pretty exhausted in general though.
Best moment this week: We told our friends at the New Year's Eve party we attended and it was so fun to talk about it with them all night!
Movement: Hopefully in 5-6 more weeks
Gender: It will be a surprise! (altho after shopping for some baby clothes I'm already frustrated with the lack of gender neutral clothing! I hope our kid likes duckies and froggies)
Labor Signs: None.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: I miss my amazing migraine drugs that I can no longer take. :)
What I am looking forward to: Coming out on facebook and I'm looking forward to 2010 in general!

Happy New Year Everyone! May peace and joy be with you and yours!